Gay Sex and Harm Reduction

While it may seem exciting to have gay sex after leaving the Church, it would be wise to take some precautions. Here are eight safe sex practices that I would strongly encourage adopting.


First: Ensure that your partner has been screened for HIV and other STDs.
 

When a gay man has unprotected sex, they are much more likely to catch HIV and/or other sexually transmitted diseases (e.g., gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis). This includes anal penetration as well as fellatio (i.e., blowjobs) and rimming. Soliciting this information is ESPECIALLY necessary if this is a hookup with someone you don’t know very well.  If your partner is hesitant to disclose to you their sexual health status, it is probably best to not engage in any sexual activities with them. Of course, if your partner is HIV positive or has another STD, do not engage in sexual activities until they have consulted and received permission to engage in sexual activities from a medical professional.

Second: Consult your doctor (NOT AT THE STUDENT HEALTH CENTER) about PrEP. PrEP (or also Truvada) is a pill that you take daily to reduce the likelihood that you contract HIV by 93%.

This is helpful to take if you are having sex with someone who is HIV positive or if you are engaging in sex with multiple partners over a short period of time. PrEP, depending on your health insurance, usually costs about $15 a month, which is pretty affordable. If you are at all concerned about your contracting HIV, consult your doctor about PrEP. Know that PrEP does NOT protect against sexually transmitted diseases. Also, here is an important fact about PrEP: it DOES NOT protect your partner against HIV. If you are not on PrEP but your partner is, you can STILL contract HIV (and vice versa). For both of you to be protected, you both need to be taking PrEP. 

Third: Use a condom if you are having sex with more than one person over a period of time.

While it may not be sexy to put on or take off a condom, it almost entirely reduces the risk of contracting HIV and sexually transmitted diseases, making it the ideal sexual practice to adopt. However, know that if you are having sex with and only with a stable partner, a condom is not necessary. Also, some men don’t use condoms when on PrEP, but remember that PrEP does not protect against HIV entirely nor does it protect against STDS, so use your best judgment. If your partner says they don’t want to use a condom because they won’t be able to cum with a condom on, tell them that they won’t be cumming at all because you won’t be having sex. It is always better to be safe than sexy because HIV sure as hell isn’t sexy. 

Fourth: Get tested regularly.

The Utah Valley Health Center has walk-ins every week (consult their website for the weekday and time) for HIV and STD testing. Around holidays, they also give free HIV testing. They also have a deal for getting tested for gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia (I think a total of $60). Symptoms for these diseases do not appear instantly, so it is wise to get tested regularly while you are sexually active with more than one partner. 

Fifth: Ask for consent and know that you don’t have to have sex if you don’t consent.

Providing consent can be done verbally and/or through symbolic gestures. Remember, if you feel that you HAVE to say yes, you are not really consenting. Know that you may also retract consent at any time. Lastly, you don’t need to be having sex if you don’t want to. It is not a rite of passage or a necessity to have a joyful life. If you don’t want to have sex, you don’t have to, and if someone is forcing you, then get the hell out of there. In another article, we will provide tips on what to do after you are sexually assaulted. 

Sixth: Top, bottom, and versatile.

A top is a male who prefers to penetrate their partner, while a bottom is someone who prefers to be penetrated by their partner. A versatile has no preference, and some can also prefer mostly but not exclusively topping or bottoming. No one really knows this preference until they have sex a couple of times, and it can change. Know that these are preferences and, as such, carry no moral weight. In other words, it’s not better to be a bottom or vice versa. Your preference may also change depending on with whom you are having sex. I’m mostly a top, but I bottomed for my most recent relationship. Find what works for you and be patient with yourself during the process. You’ll have plenty of time in your life to have sex. 

Seventh: Be sure to clean.

Unfortunately, gay sex requires a lot of preparation, especially for anal sex. If you are bottoming, you can either douche or thoroughly clean your anal/rectal area in the shower. You can look up douching tutorials on YouTube by people like davywavey. This would be wise for anal sex but also rimjobs. Moreover, be sure to clean your groin area. It is never pleasant to go down on somebody only to realize that they didn’t wash themselves. Again, if somebody’s lack of hygiene turns you off, feel free to stop the sex at any time.

Eighth: Have fun and love yourself.

Sex is meant to be an enjoyable feature in life, and we were barred from it for life. So, go enjoy it. I still remember when I lost my virginity. It was with a stranger, and I absolutely loved it. I was so happy that night. Sex doesn’t have to be intimate event with a lot of gravitas that you should only share with your lifelong partner. Sex is a part of life; it can either happen a lot in a short period of time or not at all for a long time. Overall, be patient with yourself as you explore this side of you, and celebrate that you’re taking this part of you back from the Church. I will say that sex isn’t everything; there is definitely something to be said about intimacy. However, sex is fantastic, and it has definitely brought a lot of joy to my life. So, after taking these suggestions, go do something that has always meant to be enjoyable.


Thank you to all those who helped in creating this page. Specifically, thank you to an unnamed friend who brought this perspective to the Survival Guide.